Chef vs Pets: Round One.

With the first visit to this family's house, this chef's struggle was REAL..and a small kitten was the reason.

The first in a series of stories dealing with pets while cooking.

Jan and Lisa were clients that lived in a small 1950’s bungalow in the sticks of North Carolina, deep in the woods, they lived amongst nature with their 2 dogs and 3 cats.

When I first went to their house to do the initial interview we sat at their kitchen table. They asked if I was allergic to animals, to which I said no. Suddenly a small tabby kitten jumped onto the table to investigate what we humans were up to. “Oh, don’t mind them…they rule this house. We just live here to feed them”, Jan said laughingly. The cat rolled around on the pile of papers I had brought, purring loudly and soon afterwards, started batting at a pencil next to me. “Oh, I love animals. I grew up with cats and dogs”, I said smiling as I moved the pencil away from the kitty.

I asked to go through their kitchen to assess their cookware. As the clients showed me where things were kept, I noticed paw prints all over the counters, old dried cat food stuck to the top of the stove and tumbleweeds of pet fur everywhere. I noticed the woodwork was old, and probably had not been updated. The drawers didn’t close properly and the wooden area under the sink was damp and moldy smelling. A roches dream, I secretly thought. Also, where they kept the pots and pans (next to the damp sink area) was quite dark and looked unkempt. (Mental note: I would need a flashlight to see under.) I asked where the bathroom was should I needed to use it while cooking. They directed me around the corner. The smell of used litter box was strong with ammonia and I assumed it was in the bathtub behind the shower curtain because the space was so small. Before I left, we set a date for their first cook. I asked them to please have the counters cleaned off so I would have room to work. The clients wouldn’t be home so I got the spare key and was all set.

The morning I showed up I was first greeted by the crew of animals. Two golden labrador retrievers came bonding up to the door as I opened it. Keeping my legs firmly wedged in between the door and the door jam, I attempted to stop them from running out. Once I was in I saw one…two…three cats, of various ages darted from the front door to the living room. There was a small tabby kitten, definitely under the age of one, who was very curious to know me. Another was a calico kitty that was rubbing circles around my legs as I tried to unpack the bags of groceries. The black and white older cat went darting off into the living room as soon as I had entered, never to be seen the rest of the day, and seemingly a true scaredy cat.

As soon as I started to place the groceries on the kitchen table, to group them into their respective recipes, the kitten decided to investigate what was happening and jumped up to start smelling some parsley. “No you don’t, little one” I said while gently placing her down on the floor. Again, she jumped up onto a chair and then with a huge, but unsure jump, she landed on a bag of frozen peas, scaring herself into another leap off the table. The calico was now meowing loudly while still circling my legs. The two labs were also very inquisitive, their heads were just slightly below the table top, but their eyes could see everything up there.

After unpacking and setting up my gig bag (the large luggage tote I had stored over 60 plastic bottles of assorted spices, salts, tools such as my chef knives, knife steel, immersion blender, peeler, matches, toothpicks, wooden skewers, rubber gloves and my first aid kit), I saw that the kitchen counter was as seen during the initial interview. I sighed a heavy sigh, seeing the dirty cat paw tracks all over the counter tops, breakfast items strewn about the stove top, along with a sink full of dirty dishes from what looked like the night before and that morning. Over the years, I had experienced this in several homes. Client after client assured me that they would make sure all would be clean for my arrival. I prided myself with leaving the client’s homes CLEANER than when I got there, and this would be no different. I would however leave these folks a short, but sweet note about how I found the area and politely ask for them to be more mindful next visit. I found spray cleaner and paper towels and got to work. After the surfaces were clean I quickly knocked out the dishes. The calico cat had left the room after my ignoring her, but quickly jumped up onto the stove top (EEK!) to see what I was doing. I quickly said a firm, “NO!” as she leaped down. A horrible thought crossed my mind. I saw the possibility of her doing that again while with an open flame on the burner. Seeing in my minds eye a pot of boiling water, cat jumping, cat catching fire or knocking the hot water on a dog below. I needed to be on guard with this crew.

After an hour or so, the critters of the house had calmed and were not so much under (or over) foot. Both labs were lounging on the floor alongside the calico kitty, all soaking up the sunny rays coming through the window and bathing them in warm light. The kitten however was M.I.A. I had been getting all the side dishes prepared and began setting up a cooling area on the only place that had space…the kitchen table. I placed a bowl of mashed potatoes, a pot of linguine bathed in butter, white wine and garlic, a small tupperware of sweet soy-ginger veggie stir-fry, a plate of Chickpea & Corn Patties w/ mango salsa, and a saucepan of brown gravy on trivets and towels to come to room temp before packing them. I then began prepping the main dishes of Italian Meatballs, Spanish Chicken, Pork Medallions, Ginger-Miso Glazed Salmon and Jamaican Jerk Chicken Thighs. I turned towards my gig bag to grab the spices I needed and saw the kitten, fuzzy head fully immersed in the bowl of mashed potatoes, licking away! “HEY YOU!”, I screamed, startling awake the lounging labs. “GET OFF OF THERE!”, I yelled while I hurdled myself towards the table. The kitten gave a quick glance, had one more lick and then pounced onto the floor. There was a dent in the top of the potatoes about an inch deep and two inches wide. I grabbed a large spoon and cut out the contaminated area. I then was on full alert.

Every thirty seconds or so I kept looking behind me to see if the kitten had returned and all was peaceful for about fifteen minutes. I dropped my guard while having to focus on what was in front of me. I thought that she had learned her lesson or that she had been scared off. Another 30 minutes had passed. I packed up most of the sides except for the Chickpea & Corn cakes and placed the salmon dish hot from the oven next to them to cool. My hands, now mixing up the meatball ingredients, were coated with beef and pork when I hear the WOMP! of something hitting the floor then a scrimmage of dog nails and growls. “WHAT THE?!!” The kitten, in a play just for the dogs, had somehow batted one of the chickpea patties onto the floor for the waiting Lab brothers, who were now battling over the magical gift that seemingly dropped from above. The kitten was, however, having a lovely go at the salmon, munching away so fast and giving me the side eye while doing so. “OH NOOOOO!"" I screamed as I came at the kitten, who then managed to snag another flake of the fish as she jumped from the table onto the stove top. “Oh MY God! GET DOWN FROM THERE!” I said while running over to the stove that had a large pot of Spanish chicken simmering over the low flame. My kitchen nightmare for these cats was in full motion. The kitten, now scampering next to very hot pot, was looking for its next escape. I managed to grab her, and out of desperation, I put her in the bathroom and closed the door. She was a ballzy little furball that I had no time to for! What, with the pre-cleaning I had done when I first got there, I would most certainly be late in getting to the other client of the days house.

The dogs, graciously, had licked the floor clean, but I was now one patty short. Oh well, I thought. Not my fault. I continued on with the rest of the cook keeping an eye on the table and wondering if the calico was in cahoots with the dogs too. The old black and white cat was a dream, hiding who-knows-where and staying out of sight. The kitten was crying from the bathroom, but I couldn’t risk that little feisty feline from getting into something else.

After I was finished, and everything was cleaner than when I arrived, I wrote Jan and Lisa a note about what happened that day and that we would need to put the kitten in a room when I was there. When I got home that evening I received an email from Jan saying that everything was so delicious and for me to not worry about the kitten eating their food. They always let her eat from their plates and things on the counter and that there was no stopping her so they had just given up. As for the dogs getting that chickpea patty, their biggest concern was about “how gassy those two would become that evening when they had to share their bed with them that night.” I sent back a quick note to simply say, “Hey, if you are cool with that, then I’m not going to worry. Oh, and please make sure the sink is empty of dishes and the counters are free from clutter for me next time.”

On my subsequent visits, I ended up putting that kitten in their bedroom anyway. I never felt bad about trying to do my job the best I could without the constant distractions and worry that I would lose meals meant for humans. And also, if being completely honest, I was in fear of a potential “food hustle” that kitten might have running with those two labs. Because I swear, I was SURE they had run that play before.

Until next week, Thanks so much for following along on this journey! If you enjoy Secrets and Spice please make sure you subscribe to get each weeks story emailed directly to you. Also, if you would like access to any of my recipes please consider a paid subscription. It’s one of the perks of becoming a paid supporter. (it’s only $5 a month or $50 for the year)

Oh, and please share these stories with those you think might enjoy the read.

Thank you again,

- Shirlé

**All names, places and occupations have been changed to protect the identity of all clients.

Please leave a comment or two…I’d love to hear from you!

A Shout Out to this Weeks Paid Supporters:

A very special shout out to the following paid subscribers:

Robinlee Garber, Chef Lynn Warlick Wells, Jake Brokaw, Miyuki Furtado and Spanky Wilson, . A special shout out to new paid subscribers Myra Ruppe Schwartz, Lisa Deemer Sethi and Claudia L Sanders, Laurel Estabrooks and Leela Montella,! Thank you all soooo much for your support!

-Leela is a person I have known since kindergarten. She has made a lovely life for her and her family and I love watching her kids success stories.

-Myra is an old NC friend who I recently got to see here in beautiful Lisbon with her partner Scott. Maybe someday they will become expats in this fair land.

-Robinlee is a childhood friend and all around renaissance woman, living and playing music in Chicago.

-Chef Lynn is a fellow Personal Chef buddy and owner of Thyme Well Spent, Personal Chef Service, based out of Greensboro NC. When not cooking for clients or food styling for cookbooks, she can be found hobnobbing with tastemakers and culinary shakers all over the country.

-Jake and his wife Brigitte have long been huge supporters of my cooking and are also huge supporters of the arts in Baltimore, Maryland. Jake also has an Orthopedic practice I have had to use a few times.

-Miyuki has been a lifelong friend and bandmate of mine from days long past. He’s also one of the best fathers and husbands I know and has raised one of the coolest kids, his daughter Mino along with his sweet wife Tricia. Miyuki currently plays music in his Alt-Country band, Divining Rod. You can listen to Divining Rod out on all music platforms. (Chef Lynn, I think you would LOVE his music!)

-Spanky has been a huge supporter of my cooking from my NC days. When not fire fighting you might find Spanky hiking the Appalachian trail.

-Lisa has been in my life since the early 90’s. She’s a huge music supporter and a lover of all things delicious.

-Claudia is an old friend from my days in North Carolina. I met Claudia at a pig pull back in 1998, when I first moved to Chapel Hill. Since then, Claudia has started a successful Personal Chef business, Good Intentions Personal Chef Service in the Hillsborough area, as well as serving the Durham and Chapel Hill area.

-Laurel Estabrooks is a new expat friend, recently becoming a Portuguese resident. Parabens!! Someday I hope to meet up face to face. Muito Obrigada Laurel!!

Thank you all sooo much for supporting me in this endeavor. I am truly grateful for you.

**************************************************************************************

Secrets and Spice - A Personal Chef's Memoir is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Subscribed

As a free subscriber, you will receive a weekly story in your inbox. If you however would like to support this endeavor by becoming a paid subscriber you will get to participate in a number of unique ways. You will have the ability:

1. To have a personal Q&A session with me about that weeks story.

2. To get tips and tricks regarding cooking from me. Maybe even some recipes.

3. For serious chefs considering this line of work, you will be able to ask questions concerning your own Personal Chef service, or how you might go about starting a PC service.

4. And lastly, you will get a shout-out letting folks know you support my writing, and have my undying gratitude!

   Why subscribe as a paid subscriber?…well, as Holly Whitaker states on her blog, Recovery, “This is one of my jobs, and I put a lot of work into it. I believe in an ethos of paying people for their work (especially in recovery spaces, where work is undervalued and, therefore, resources are limited). If you love this newsletter, get value out of it, and believe in paying people for their work, consider a paid subscription.”

   I feel the same as an artist (and a veteran, always underpaid, musician), that this is one of my jobs. A calling, even. So, if you value the work I am doing here please consider a paid subscription. And Thank You!