The Doctor, Two Dishwashers and His Angry Pack of Tiny Terror.
Cooking for this man was an exercise in self protection...and a lesson in setting boundaries.
To say cooking for this single man was anything but trying would be to put it lightly. The first time we met at his mansion I should have been aware of the warning signs. When I rang the door bell I was alarmed to hear barking from what sounded like a small army of dogs from behind the door. The Doc (as I’ll call this client, as he was a doctor of some sort) pried the door open a crack while telling me he needed to put the dogs up. He shut the door while yelling at them to get back and I stood waiting for him. A few minutes had passed before he welcomed me into his house.
We sat down at the kitchen table and I did the intake interview. There were no big issues with his diet, he just wanted lunches and dinners. I would be cooking in my commercial kitchen and then delivering the meals once a week. He gave me his garage code so that I could pull my car into his garage and then use the same code to open his mud room door to get into the kitchen. But, there was going to be a caveat. The dogs.
While we were sitting at the table, there was a continuous din of growls and barks coming from 5 small breed dogs ranging from one chihuahua to three bichon frisé to one maltise. All of them were nearly foaming at the mouth with teeth nashing and snarls abounding. The Doc barely paid them any mind, giving them a few SHHHH!’s here and there. I asked him if he would have them blocked off from the kitchen when I came to deliver. He said he would feel bad about blocking them from the kitchen all day because, and I quote, “This is THEIR house, too!” To which I was like, “Well, how will I be able to come in without getting attacked then?”. The Doc replied, “With treats. I’ll leave you a bunch at the garage door. Just throw them and they will leave you alone.” But I wondered what would happen when they were done eating them.
I arrived the following week to deliver the Doc’s meals. At the foot of the door sat a large jar of dog treats. I pulled out a handful of treats and hit the code to the mudroom door. Upon entering it was silent. As I entered the kitchen I heard the barks and growls coming towards me. I immediately threw a bunch of the treats onto the floor far away from me. The pack ran to them greedily and I started unpacking the Doc’s meals to get them into the fridge. Just then, one of them, the chihuahua I remember, came at my ankle and bit down on my pants cuff. “NO!” I yelled. “Get Off me!” I dragged my leg across the floor to the pile of treats on the counter and grabbed them and threw them into the living room. All five beasts ran after them. I hurriedly grabbed my bags and hit the back door, out into the garage. This was going to be a problem.
That evening I wrote to the Doc to tell him what happened and asked if there was a way to block them off from the kitchen. He said he’d try the next week. And he apologized.
The following week I came in and saw that the white terrors were all blocked off from the kitchen, barking up a storm. I walked over and gave them some treats so they would stop the constant barrage of barks. After I stocked the fridge I saw that on the lowest shelf of the fridge a pile of empty containers for me to take back to the shop. I thought that it was strange that the Doc would have left them in the fridge…usually people would bag them up and have them on the counter for me. I had always asked the clients to wash the containers and have them ready for me to take back. I am a big recycler, and hate using those “one and done” disposable containers. This way I could reuse them for the client. I would then run them through my dishwasher in the commercial kitchen to double sterilize them. But, when I pulled the stack out of the fridge I noticed that they were still dirty! He hadn’t washed them at all! And he had TWO, not one, but TWO dishwashing machines in his kitchen!! “WTAF?!” I said out loud. This was a first. That night he would get another email from me about washing his containers.
The next week I arrived with his lunches and dinners and the dogs were loose. I was immediately greeted at the kitchen door with barking and snarls again. SHIT! And no treats to be found! So, I called on my inner Caesar Milan (the Dog Whisperer) knowing that there was no other option. I entered the kitchen, using my cold cases to block them and sounded authoritative telling them “GET BACK”. To my astonishment, it worked! They calmed down and left the room, but sat down where they could still see me. I quickly put the Doc’s meals into the fridge and saw a few empty, but dirty containers on the lower shelf. “Ughhhh…again?!” I said to myself. I turned around to see a paper bag with more *DIRTY* containers waiting for me. “THAT’S IT! I’m NOT this dudes maid!” I would again reach out to him, one last time, and if he couldn’t get his shit together enough to simply wash his dishes then I was done.
The following week I came in, seeing the tiny menace crew, and again I was commanding enough to get them away from me. I saw a jar of dog treats and gave them each a few. They all laid down on the adjacent living room rug, all but the chihuahua. As I was putting the last of the containers on the top shelf of his fridge I was charged at by the chi-chi. He quickly attached his teeth to my cuff of jeans, snarling and twisting. “NO!” I yelled, but he wasn’t giving in. I finally had to fling him off my leg across the room. That was the final straw. I couldn’t afford to cook for this guy and carry the stress of possibly getting bit by one of these monsters. I grabbed the bag of containers on the counter and headed out.
When I got back to my kitchen to drop off the containers from that days collection I saw that again, that Doc had given me a bag full of dirty containers. I wrote him that night to let him know that I would not be able to continue cooking for him. He replied back later that evening. His only comment was, “Can you recommend another Chef?”
No, no I couldn’t…and most definitely wouldn’t.
Until next week, thanks so much for following along on this journey!
- Shirlé
Please leave a comment or two…I’d love to hear from you!
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Thank you again,
- Shirlé
PS: All names, places and occupations have been changed to protect the identity of all clients.
A Shout Out to this Weeks Paid Supporters:
A very special shout out to the following paid subscribers:
Robinlee Garber, Chef Lynn Warlick Wells, Jake Brokaw, Miyuki Furtado and Spanky Wilson, . A special shout out to new paid subscribers Myra Ruppe Schwartz, Lisa Deemer Sethi and Claudia L Sanders, Laurel Estabrooks and Leela Montella,! Thank you all soooo much for your support!
-Leela is a person I have known since kindergarten. She has made a lovely life for her and her family and I love watching her kids success stories.
-Myra is an old NC friend who I recently got to see here in beautiful Lisbon with her partner Scott. Maybe someday they will become expats in this fair land.
-Robinlee is a childhood friend and all around renaissance woman, living and playing music in Chicago.
-Chef Lynn is a fellow Personal Chef buddy and owner of Thyme Well Spent, Personal Chef Service, based out of Greensboro NC. When not cooking for clients or food styling for cookbooks, she can be found hobnobbing with tastemakers and culinary shakers all over the country.
-Jake and his wife Brigitte have long been huge supporters of my cooking and are also huge supporters of the arts in Baltimore, Maryland. Jake also has an Orthopedic practice I have had to use a few times.
-Miyuki has been a lifelong friend and bandmate of mine from days long past. He’s also one of the best fathers and husbands I know and has raised one of the coolest kids, his daughter Mino along with his sweet wife Tricia. Miyuki currently plays music in his Alt-Country band, Divining Rod. You can listen to Divining Rod out on all music platforms. (Chef Lynn, I think you would LOVE his music!)
-Spanky has been a huge supporter of my cooking from my NC days. When not fire fighting you might find Spanky hiking the Appalachian trail.
-Lisa has been in my life since the early 90’s. She’s a huge music supporter and a lover of all things delicious.
-Claudia is an old friend from my days in North Carolina. I met Claudia at a pig pull back in 1998, when I first moved to Chapel Hill. Since then, Claudia has started a successful Personal Chef business, Good Intentions Personal Chef Service in the Hillsborough area, as well as serving the Durham and Chapel Hill area.
-Laurel Estabrooks is a new expat friend, recently becoming a Portuguese resident. Parabens!! Someday I hope to meet up face to face. Muito Obrigada Laurel!!
Thank you all sooo much for supporting me in this endeavor. I am truly grateful for you.
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