Henrietta: the Nanny from Hell.
So, you think YOU'VE experienced having a person talk your face off, yammering on and on about nothing, even after you've told them that you can't talk right now?...Well, you HAVEN'T met Harriette.
A woman named Sally contacted me one day to cook for her, her husband and their 4 children. She told me that they had a nanny who would sometimes be included in the meals. Sally told me that the nanny would be feeding the little ones dinners if her and her husband were still at work and that her name was Harriette. We set a date for me to come to their house for the interview.
This family lived in a suburb of Raleigh, North Carolina in a town called Cary. They had a custom built large “McMansion” at the end of a quite cul-de-sac, complete with a basketball hoop and goalie posts set up for the neighborhood kids. They had four children who ranged in age from 10 to 2 years old. The house had a bright and sunny kitchen with a very large island. Four tall stools were situated along the island as well as a high chair. A sink was located in the center of the island and behind the sink was a long granite counter that ran along the wall and had a six burner stove and to the left was an extra large double door refrigerator. Plenty of space to work and lay things out to cool, it was going to be a dream to cook in this kitchen.
Sally invited me to sit at the kitchen island to do the interview. We went through all the intake questions first then got into what they liked to eat. She asked if I could make some baby food out of some of their side dishes that way the nanny could feed the toddler. “Sure can,” I replied. We set a date for me to begin cooking and before I left the house I asked if the nanny would be home while I was there. “She should be here most of the time, but if she has to run errands or take the kids somewhere she wouldn’t be. It just depends on the schedule for that day,” Sally explained. “Oh, ok. Just please let her know that when I’m here I have so many things going on in my mind while I’m cooking that I can’t really talk much. You know, six things on the stove, what’s going into the oven next. Chopping, dicing…It really slows me down when I can’t focus on what I’m doing. I’m sure you understand,” I said. “Oh, sure!…I can’t even imagine cooking just one meal while talking to someone, let alone five meals at once while talking to someone!” she chuckled. “Thank you Sally. Just let her know,” I said.
On the day I was to start cooking for them I went to the grocery store to get all the ingredients for each recipe. I then went directly to their house and let myself in. The house was quiet. No one was there. “Perfect” I said to myself. I set up my radio and started unpacking everything and setting up all the cookware I would need. I was about an hour in of what I had estimated would be a three hour cook from start to finish. Just then, I heard the garage door opening and a few minutes later a boy of about five years old came bounding in. He froze in his tracks as soon as he saw me and I gave him a warm smile and said “Hello! I’m the chef. My name is Shirlé.” Right after that the nanny came in holding the toddler. “Oh hey! I’m Harriette the nanny! Sally told me you’d be here. I’m just tickled pink to see what all you’re makin’ us!” she said in a very heavy North Carolina drawl. “Yes, I’m Shirlé,” I replied as I continued chopping. “Let me go put this baby down for his nap and I’ll be right back,” she said as she dropped the baby’s diaper bag on the island. “Oh, ok…” I said, turning back to the stove to check on the sauce that was slowly simmering. Five minutes later she came down with a baby monitor in her hand. She plopped down on one of the stools at the island and began a barrage of questions in rapid fire, as well as stories and musings that just didn’t seem to stop for what felt like an eternity. “What’s that?!” she exclaimed, pointing to the chicken piccata dish cooling in containers. “I love lasagna! You ever make lasagna?! Maybe you could whip up some lasagna for us! How ‘bout chicken and dumplin’s?! You know, my Mamaw used to make the best chicken and dumplin’s! Damn, I miss my Mamaw! One time my Mamaw made us a turkey for Thanksgiving that come out sooooo dry, but we all ate it so’s not to hurt her feelin’s. Boy, that was something!” She said all of that in seemingly a single breath. I was wondering where the five year old had run off to and why he wasn’t being supervised. “Oh, yeah…Um, hey, where’d that little boy get to?” I asked, trying to make her go away. “Oh, he’s in the playroom. He’s cool. Real independent lil’ guy,” she said as she stared at what I was cutting. “What’s that?! Whatchu doin’ there? How come you using that?” Her questions never ended.
As I was getting the meatloaf ready to bake, she then asked me in an almost whisper, “Hey…hey there chef…let me ask you somethin’…you ever put cat food in people’s stuff? You know, just for fun? Like, mix some into meatloaf?” I looked up at her with a furrowed brow, shocked that she would even ask me something like that and I noticed a weird smile on her face. “NO! OF COURSE NOT!” I exclaimed. “Why would you ask me that?!” I said while stopping mid step towards the oven. ”Well, I was just thinkin’, you know, like if you didn’t like the people or somethin’. You know, to get ‘em back. Revenge type of thing,” she said quietly while looking around to see if someone was listening in on the conversation. “Hell NO! I would NEVER do something like that! I just wouldn’t cook for them any longer,” I replied, now getting the feeling that she wasn’t running on all cylinders. I also realized that she was eating up soooo much of my attention and that I needed to let her know that I had to focus on what I was doing.
“Hey Harriette. Not to be rude, but I need to focus on what I’ve got going on over here. I can’t keep talking with you. Ok?” I said firmly. She replied back “Oh yeah. I got it. No problem.” I turned my back to her while she continued to sit at the island. No more than two minutes had gone by before she started yammering on and on about everything and nothing. She simply was in her own world, and I needed to be in mine, so I turned up my radio to try to block her voice out. A few times she asked me direct questions, but I said nothing. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do to another human, to flat out ignore them. I felt horrible, but she had also eaten up an extra hour of my time as well as an extra hour billed to the client. She finally left the room.
When I got home that evening I wrote an email to Sally asking her if there was a way to not have Harriette there when I cooked. I explained that she had talked non-stop to me, even after I politely told her it was distracting and that I couldn’t talk and cook at the same time. I also apologized for having had to charge them an extra hour because she slowed me down so much. I ended the email with this note:
‘I also wanted to alert you to a couple things I felt were a little bit unsettling to me. First, as soon as your five year old came into the house after getting home with Harriette she never went to check on him for the three hours I was there after they came into the house. I even asked her where he was and she seemed not to be concerned. I don’t have kids, but felt that maybe they should be looked after frequently when not in sight, especially little ones. And secondly, Harriette asked me the strangest question I have ever been asked regarding me cooking for my clients. She asked me if I ever put cat food into clients meals for spite or revenge. I told her of course not! But, honestly, I felt that that was a strange thing to think about. Who would do something like that? Anyways, I just thought you should know.’
Sally replied back that evening thanking me for the heads up and not to worry about Harriette for the next cookdate coming up in two weeks.
When I went back to the house for the second cookdate, again, I seemed to be alone. “Good! Whew!” I thought to myself and got down to business. About an hour into the cook, I was cutting up a zucchini on the counter next to the stove, my back to the island, when all of a sudden a woman’s voice loudly exclaimed, “YOU MUST BE THE CHEF!” I whipped around, jumping nearly out of my skin while wielding a knife in my hand. “WHAT THA FFFF?!!” I yelled, as I spun around catching myself from saying the last word out loud. There, standing on the other side of the island was a blond haired woman in only a pink bra and white panties, whom I hadn’t seen before. The look on my face must have been one of shock and confusion as she came back with a, “Oh, don’t worry about me! I’m the new nanny. The baby puked on me so my clothes are in the washer!”, while beaming a big smile. I don’t know about you, but I wondered a couple things immediately. Where had she been all this time and how bad was that baby’s vomit to require her to throw almost ALL her clothes into the washer? And lastly, why she didn’t borrow a robe or towel to cover up? However, as quickly as those thoughts came into my head, the thought that Harriette was gone overroad any worries about this new nanny. Hell, she could walk around butt naked for all I cared, just as long as she didn’t talk my face off, which, thank goodness she did not.
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Thank you again,
- Shirlé
**All names, places and occupations have been changed to protect the identity of all clients.
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A Shout Out to this Weeks Paid Supporters:
A very special shout out to the following paid subscribers:
Robinlee Garber, Chef Lynn Warlick Wells, Jake Brokaw, Miyuki Furtado and Spanky Wilson, . A special shout out to new paid subscribers Myra Ruppe Schwartz, Lisa Deemer Sethi and Claudia L Sanders, Laurel Estabrooks and Leela Montella,! Thank you all soooo much for your support!
-Leela is a person I have known since kindergarten. She has made a lovely life for her and her family and I love watching her kids success stories.
-Myra is an old NC friend who I recently got to see here in beautiful Lisbon with her partner Scott. Maybe someday they will become expats in this fair land.
-Robinlee is a childhood friend and all around renaissance woman, living and playing music in Chicago.
-Chef Lynn is a fellow Personal Chef buddy and owner of Thyme Well Spent, Personal Chef Service, based out of Greensboro NC. When not cooking for clients or food styling for cookbooks, she can be found hobnobbing with tastemakers and culinary shakers all over the country.
-Jake and his wife Brigitte have long been huge supporters of my cooking and are also huge supporters of the arts in Baltimore, Maryland. Jake also has an Orthopedic practice I have had to use a few times.
-Miyuki has been a lifelong friend and bandmate of mine from days long past. He’s also one of the best fathers and husbands I know and has raised one of the coolest kids, his daughter Mino along with his sweet wife Tricia. Miyuki currently plays music in his Alt-Country band, Divining Rod. You can listen to Divining Rod out on all music platforms. (Chef Lynn, I think you would LOVE his music!)
-Spanky has been a huge supporter of my cooking from my NC days. When not fire fighting you might find Spanky hiking the Appalachian trail.
-Lisa has been in my life since the early 90’s. She’s a huge music supporter and a lover of all things delicious.
-Claudia is an old friend from my days in North Carolina. I met Claudia at a pig pull back in 1998, when I first moved to Chapel Hill. Since then, Claudia has started a successful Personal Chef business, Good Intentions Personal Chef Service in the Hillsborough area, as well as serving the Durham and Chapel Hill area.
-Laurel Estabrooks is a new expat friend, recently becoming a Portuguese resident. Parabens!! Someday I hope to meet up face to face. Muito Obrigada Laurel!!
Thank you all sooo much for supporting me in this endeavor. I am truly grateful for you.
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