Flax & Fleeting Friends

After all these years, I've carried the memory of this client close to my heart, thinking of her often.

Warning - This story deals with the topic of suicide.

In the Spring of 2007, I was contacted by a couple who were expecting their first child. They were a lovely couple who lived in a rural part of the country just outside of Baltimore. Their sprawling farmhouse was in the middle of what seemed like a 100 acres of beautiful open land. Something that Martha Stewart would have loved to call home, I imagined.

When I went to their home, we sat in their spacious kitchen in a quaint breakfast nook with granite counters that surrounded a HUGE kitchen island. Sunlight streamed in from a massive window creating dancing shadows on the hardwood floors. Tammy was about 4 months pregnant and wore cute denim overalls with a short, reddish brown page boy haircut. Melissa, her partner, was a business woman who wore an impeccable skirt and blouse set with long strawberry blonde hair and wire framed glasses. They were complimentary of one another in that they encompassed both urban and country, each one bringing to the table the others absence of either.

Tammy was a farm girl who owned her own interior design firm- a one woman show. She had grown up in a Southern enclave of rural Maryland living off the land on her parent’s farm. She had milked cows, killed chickens, fed pigs and had learned to hunt and fish. A true lady of the land. Melissa, on the other hand, was a high powered business woman who owned her own company. She was well educated with various degrees and although she too came from a Southern background it was not as rural as Tammy’s. They were kindred spirits of the South.

I was hired to mainly cook for Melissa since her’s was a very restrictive diet and rarely could they enjoy eating out. Melissa would always become sick afterwards. I was to be their “in house” restaurant. Whether it be Asian, Latin, French, Spanish….I was to make them a wide variety of foods that they could not get when they ate out. So strict was her diet that I was not allowed to bring in anything from the outside, other than the groceries I bought at Whole Foods. They asked me to supply them with a list of everything I would need to cook: knives, cutting boards, kitchen tools, spices, oils, salts…anything I needed they would buy and supply for me. They had a beautiful 6 burner Wolfe stove and double ovens, two dishwashers and a farmhouse sink along with plenty of cooking room and cooling areas. I was in kitchen heaven!

Initially, I was cooking for them bi-weekly. I would generally make them 10 different main courses with sides to match that served two people per dish. On my cook days, Melissa was usually at the office. Tammy worked from home with her office down the hall from the kitchen. Tammy periodically ventured into the kitchen, her tummy getting bigger each month saying she couldn’t stand how good the house was smelling and “was there anything ready yet to eat?” She would always exclaim, “Monday’s my favorite day because it’s like a world smorgasbord in my kitchen!”. Sometimes, for her lunch, she would grab a plate and a fork to sample a little of each item as it was cooling. She especially loved the Artichoke and Feta Stuffed Chicken I would make them regularly. She would hang out in the kitchen and we would talk politics or music. We each learned that our birthdays were only 3 days apart, Capricorn Goat sisters we were, two stubborn, strong willed and creative souls.

The day finally came when they brought their first baby home. I was so excited to be a part of their family life to help them not worry about Melissa’s illness and to be able to give Tammy a break from stressing about food. They suddenly had a baby in the house and were nesting big time. A year had passed and the baby began to eat solid foods. They asked me to start making her organic pureed veggies. I loved being able to feed all of them and cherished seeing their daughter grow. They eventually hired a nanny who was a wonderful addition to the family. I was invited to birthday parties, and family dinners as well as catering all their large events in the house over the next 5 years. Melissa even hired me to cook for various employees of her company as a wonderful gift of her appreciation of their hard work. They regularly referred me to their friends in need of meal prep. I gained almost 5 new clients from their recommendations alone, feeling this was the biggest compliment I could have received. They were some of the most kind and loving people I knew!

One morning, Tammy came into the kitchen to tell me that  they were pregnant again. For the next 8 months, I helped make lunches for their little girl, while helping Tammy relax with foods she was craving, along with keeping Melissa happy with her meals. Then their son was born. It was a full, busy house and I started making them even more food. I stocked their freezer and fridge sometimes cooking for 7 hours straight. I also prepped meals for them to take to their beach house in the Summer months. During Thanksgiving and Christmas, I prepared all their sides for them. They were so generous to their friends and family and always pulled out all the stops when entertaining. I was always made to feel like a part of their family. Even my husband was invited to gatherings at their place. It was always such a magical time when I was there. Two more years had passed since their son was born when I got a horrible phone call.

On a cold January morning in the seventh year of working for them, I received a call from one of their best friends, Eva. She asked me if I was in a place where I could sit down. I told her I was home and was joking that I “never sit down because I can’t cook sitting!” I could hear a quiver in her voice. She then calmly told me that Tammy had taken her own life yesterday. I was speechless. I sat silent for a moment trying to process this information. I had just seen her last week-in her kitchen-on my birthday. We had talked about our birthdays and all our goals for the year. I had just seen her. She was happy. She showed no sign of anything sad or desparate, just the usual Tammy that she always was around me. Always smiling. Always kind. Always Tammy.
Eva asked me if I was OK after my hushed sobs started. I squeaked out that I was…I didn’t want to know the details. It was not my business. I asked her how Melissa was doing. She stated that they were all in shock. She then asked me if I could get over to the house the next day to make meals for Melissa. Eva and her wife thought that people would start bringing food over to the house that Melissa would not be able to eat. I said of course. She told me that no one would be there. That the kids were taken to a Grandparent’s house and would be staying there for a while.

When I arrived there was such an unbearable silence. I think I must have cried a dozen or more times while in that kitchen. Thoughts of how everything changed in a split second. How the kids wouldn’t see her smile again. It all seemed so surreal. I made some of Melissa’s favorites full well knowing that she probably wouldn’t eat a bite. I left a sympathy card and flowers and wondered what the future would become. David and I attended the funeral and to this day, I cannot listen to the k.d lang’s version of Leonard Cohen’s song “Hallelujah” without crying. Even sitting here now, thinking about that day so many years ago, I’m fighting back tears.

After that cook, I wasn’t really needed as much. Tammy had always been the organizer and scheduler of when I came to cook for them, and I think over time Melissa figured out what worked for her. Without the other adult there in the house there simply wasn’t the need for big quantities of prepared foods.

Over the years, I have stayed in touch with Melissa and some of their best friends. They are a tight knit crew that support each other lovingly to this day. To say it was a honor, a privilege and a gift to have had them in my life, and to include me in theirs, would be an understatement. As for Tammy, whatever struggles or demons she had battled, I will never know. But, I keep her in my heart and see her standing there in that kitchen with the sunshine glowing on her bright smile laughing at my silly stories while noshing on something delicious. We will always be bonded as fellow Goat Girl Sisters.

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If you or someone you know is in crisis, contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or dial 911 in case of emergency. Reach out and be heard.

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Thank you again,

- Shirlé

**All names, places and occupations have been changed to protect the identity of all clients.

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A Shout Out to this Weeks Paid Supporters:

A very special shout out to the following paid subscribers:

Robinlee Garber, Chef Lynn Warlick Wells, Jake Brokaw, Miyuki Furtado and Spanky Wilson. A special shout out to new paid subscribers Lisa Deemer Sethi and Claudia L Sanders! Thank you all soooo much for your support!

-Robinlee is a childhood friend and all around renaissance woman, living and playing music in Chicago.

-Chef Lynn is a fellow Personal Chef buddy and owner of Thyme Well Spent, Personal Chef Service, based out of Greensboro NC. When not cooking for clients or food styling for cookbooks, she can be found hobnobbing with tastemakers and culinary shakers all over the country.

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-Claudia is an old friend from my days in North Carolina. I met Claudia at a pig pull back in 1998, when I first moved to Chapel Hill. Since then, Claudia has started a successful Personal Chef business, Good Intentions Personal Chef Service in the Hillsborough area, as well as serving the Durham and Chapel Hill area.

-Laurel Estabrooks is a new expat friend, recently becoming a Portuguese resident. Parabens!! Someday I hope to meet up face to face. Muito Obrigada Laurel!!

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